Anxiety and The Spring Semester

I start class again on Monday, and I'm getting that usual pre-semester anxiety.
In honor of my second year of school and my anxiety, I want to share a poem I wrote in 2015, on July 23rd.


There's a lump in my throat,
A hand closing tightly.
It's not mine, but I'm doing this to me.
An unknown worry, a faceless fear,
Squeezes my neck, brings me to tears.
I choke on my own anxiety,
My heart tries to tear out of me.
Sweat on my brow,
Breath shallow.
I lie on the floor. A faceless nothing.
What will become of me.
This always gets the best of me.
I am choking on my own fears,
It's not safe here.
I feel like this will be the death of me.


It doesn't have the most uplifting ending, but that's life, and that's poetry.
Some seasons in life are ugly and difficult and heartbreaking.
That's all for now.

See ya.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Bilateral Salpingectomy Experience

 Hi! Happy almost June! ☀️ Don't listen to me EVER when I say I'll be back soon, because that's proven to be very untrue. I come and go as I like lately. But I am back because I wanted to make a post about my Bisalp experience last January. A bisalp, short for bilateral salpingectomy, is a procedure where both of your fallopian tubes are removed. This is a permanent form of sterilization, and as someone who doesn't want kids, is a choice I am very happy with. :) *NOTE: A bisalp is different from a tubal litigation. The procedure I got completely removes your fallopian tubes. A tubal just ties, cuts, or in some way interrupts the usual path for the egg to travel to the uterus. Bisalps are MUCH more effective and eliminate the risk of an ectopic pregnancy.* I had known that I wanted to be childfree for many many years. So when I got a new gynecologist, I spoke up right away about how I was interested in this procedure. My doctor is AMAZING, so we began the process immedia...
Read more

Ramblings: Past & Future

I think I'm too stuck on the past. I think I'm too stuck on the future. There are nights that my entire heart aches, remembering what it was like to be a kid. Remembering the ease and simplicity and beauty of the days. Smiling at the memories I made with my family. Wishing that now a scraped knee was the most painful thing I would experience. Yearning for my sweet innocence and present-focused mind. I didn't think much about the future at all. My worst fear was that I wouldn't finish my homework in time to go outside and play. There are days where my heart races and my body is paralyzed at the thought of the future. Thinking of what lies ahead in the coming months, but more often, years and decades. Sometimes I am able to smile and feel at peace with the future I have dreampt about for myself. But I also know that life rarely works out the way you want. I fear all the coming troubles and challenges that I don't believe I could handle. I think I thin...
Read more

Winter Favorites!

Image
This is going to be the bloggiest blog post I've written so far. Yesterday was the winter solstice, and even though it sure has been feeling like winter here for some time, now it's official. So I thought I'd do a brief post on three of my favorite products that I use in the winter! The first is Carmex lip balm. This comes in a tube, a stick, and a little pot. Right now I'm using the stick, as it's the most convenient. This stuff is magic y'all. Nothing soothes and smooths my lips like this. I put it on every night before bed, and once it gets cold (like now) I use it throughout the day as well. The biggest con with this is that it'll leave some pretty sticky lip marks on your water glass. But that is a small price to pay for all the pros. Carmex retails for about $2.79 at my local Target for a pack of three. The second is Hemp Hand Protector Hand Cream from the Body Shop. This moisturizer is INCREDIBLE. It doesn't matter ...
Read more