Ramblings: Past & Future

I think I'm too stuck on the past.
I think I'm too stuck on the future.

There are nights that my entire heart aches, remembering what it was like to be a kid.
Remembering the ease and simplicity and beauty of the days.
Smiling at the memories I made with my family.
Wishing that now a scraped knee was the most painful thing I would experience.
Yearning for my sweet innocence and present-focused mind.
I didn't think much about the future at all.
My worst fear was that I wouldn't finish my homework in time to go outside and play.

There are days where my heart races and my body is paralyzed at the thought of the future.
Thinking of what lies ahead in the coming months, but more often, years and decades.
Sometimes I am able to smile and feel at peace with the future I have dreampt about for myself.
But I also know that life rarely works out the way you want.
I fear all the coming troubles and challenges that I don't believe I could handle.

I think I think too much.
I want to be more present-focused.
The days pass by and melt together and I struggle to appreciate each small moment.
Because I am too busy thinking about how it will end.
Because I am too busy thinking about tomorrow.
Because I am too busy getting lost in a distant memory.

I miss the "good old days," but I don't want to be so nostalgic that I miss the good today's.
I fear the future, but I don't want to be so afraid that I miss the goodness in the present.

I know that one day I will miss having classes to take, and sweaters to fold, and free time to spare.
And perhaps, in twenty years, I'll look back at all my worrying and laugh, because life is turning out okay.

Thank you for reading my rambles.
This is something I think about a lot.

Here's to right now.
I'm trying.

...See ya.