Some Thoughts on Faith and Christianity

I've been thinking a lot about faith, God, religion, and Christianity in the past year or two.

As a middle and high-school student, my faith grew and blossomed.

I went to church (and loved it) every week, I participated in the weekly youth small group, I prayed multiple times a day, and I attempted to read my Bible consistently, daily.

Then... something happened. Something changed.

I'm still not sure what, but I began to look at life and faith and God differently.

Now if you're reading this and feeling sorry for me because you view this as "backsliding" or "veering off of the right path," don't.

Let me explain.

I had truly begun to question some of the teachings of the church, the way the Bible is often interpreted, and my own personal views and beliefs when it comes to faith or religion.

In May of 2019, I left my church that I'd been a part of for almost 9 years.

I'd been feeling a tug to go, to move on, for a while.

I prayed about it, talked to others about it, and thought about it for months.

When I left, I started visiting other churches. All summer I searched and searched, but nowhere truly felt like home. At least, not for long.

So I made the choice to take a break.

Not from faith or Christianity or God, no, but from church.

I had become worn out, weary, disappointed, and nowhere felt like the right fit. And I had come to peace with that.
Why should I continue to force myself to go somewhere that left me feeling more empty than when I had arrived? Why should I go somewhere that didn't allow me to feel as if I could grow?

So I stopped. I took a break. And I am still in that place, and that's okay.

Sometime last year, I remember talking to a friend about how I felt I needed to tear down almost everything I knew and start from scratch.

The things I had learned from the church and Christianity about sex and sexuality, women, God, the LGBTQ+ community, and social justice (or lack thereof) were beginning to feel... wrong.

I don't know how to explain it any differently.

Maybe I sound like a heretic to some, but I wasn't sure if everything that I had been taught all these years was right.

So I've been looking at things differently, taking a new point of view, praying, reading, listening, trying to understand.

All I know is that I want to come out on the other side in a good place, and I trust that God will lead me there.

I want my faith to be real, raw, beautiful, shining warm like the sun on your skin. Flowing and free like a big t-shirt, not constricting like a corset.

I want my faith to be open, welcoming people in, not shutting them out or turning them away.

In my own opinion, faith or religion or Christianity shouldn't be full of rules and regulations, little things that you should or shouldn't do, convoluted processes or things that do not draw people in.

While guidance is important, should faith not be approachable, and easily accessible to those wanting to feel the love of Christ?

In the end, how much do rules and procedures matter if we don't love? If others are lost because we needed to be right or by the book? If we lose the very heart of our faith and beliefs?

I still have a lot to think about, and maybe I'll be somewhere different in a years time. Faith can grow and change our whole lives, but whether it is blossoming with a thousand spring flowers, covered in thorns, or anywhere in between, God is Love and God is with us.

~Love to you, wherever you are.