Depression.

It feels heavy.

Like an anchor has attached itself to you.

Like a lead weight is tied to your heart.

You look out your window and the sun is shining and you can hear your little neighbors laughing and everything is beautiful, but... you don't feel any happiness.

All the colors are kind of muted and everything blurs.

Sleep is an escape, and you crave it so you can forget for a little while.

Even when you feel like you cannot function, the world is still moving.

Nothing stops for you, and time goes on while you try to fight through it & figure stuff out.

You might cry a lot.

This is how depression feels.

Or how it may feel.

Everyone struggles and experiences it differently.

I have mild- moderate depression, and tend to fight with seasonal depression as well.

I've never been "officially" diagnosed by a doctor or health professional.

This makes me often feel like a fake, because my pain has not been validated by someone who knows what they're talking about.

I also will go through extended periods of time where I feel pretty good. I am so so grateful for this, but it also contributes to that feeling of being a fake.

A lot of the symptoms of depression mention feeling like this or that for an extended period of time, which leaves me lost and feeling unqualified to pinpoint my pain as depression at all when I've been feeling good.

I'm a whole mess, you know?

...

I stumbled across some information today about a sub-type of depression called Atypical Depression.

It made so much sense to me.

Atypical tends to respond to positive events or good news, leaving you temporarily lifted and happier. That works for me 95% of the time, when I'm feeling horrible.

Maybe this is you, too.

Your pain is valid, even if you feel like you don't meet the "qualifications ."

You deserve help and healing, even if your struggles "aren't as bad" as someone else.

Not everyone is going to understand, but there are a lot of people who are going through the same thing and can relate to you. There are people who will support you.

(A little Side Note: It's okay to take medicine if you need it. As a Christian, I am telling you that it's okay to get help. Yes, Jesus heals, but God has also provided us with medicine to use and to help us.)

If you're reading this and don't struggle with depression, but you want to support your friends, please listen to them. Listen and don't try to help them right away. Sometimes we just need someone to listen and empathize. Sometimes we just need someone to sit beside us. Please be kind and patient with us. We don't need pity or advice. A lot of us are trying our best.

This article is quite helpful if you want to be supportive.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/supporting-a-seriously-depressed-friend-a-guide_us_58d17fbce4b07112b647329a

Thanks for listening.

... See ya.