Mortality, Death
***This post is about mortality and may be triggering to some readers***
Today I heard about a road accident that happened Friday.
A family of 6.
One mom, one dad, and four sisters.
There were 5 fatalities.
Death always shakes you up.
I was at work, talking with a co-worker, and my boss brings up this accident.
One second you're not thinking about much... maybe what you're going to eat for lunch, or your friend, your favorite band coming back, whatever.
And the next you're struck somber by the realization that, You're Fragile and Life is Short.
That everything else in life appears as filler and distraction from the thought of the inevitable.
I feel like I should apologize for being so morbid.
But this is a place where I come to write (and invite you to read it), so I'm just going to write what I want and need to and that's that.
I'm very grateful for the "distractions" in life, quite honestly.
I think we'd all have constant existential dread and panic that would drive us absolutely crazy, if not.
It is necessary to think about every once in a while though, I suppose.
Death can make you more grateful for what's around you.
It can make you more aware, and remind you very starkly of what is actually important.
It can push you to live more boldly, realizing that you aren't promised a long life, or tomorrow.
But then... on the opposite end, it can infiltrate your thoughts and your entire life.
The fear that is attached to losing someone I love, has caused me to never leave the house without saying "I love you."
This doesn't sound like a bad thing though, right? But I don't want to feel as if I need to say it out of fear and "just in case."
The anxiety and intense worry that can come with forgetting is immense. Because... "What If?"
This isn't the way I want to live.
Balance is so vital and important to me.
To be able to appreciate and deeply love those around me while they are here, and to not be suffocated by the terror of death and loss.
Right along with all this, I'm also terribly fearful about death itself.
I have been for a long time.
It's not something I like to think about too deeply.
My beliefs include an afterlife in heaven with a loving God, so I shouldn't fear... right?
And yet.
I think it's a normal thing as a human, to be afraid of death.
And I'm not so much afraid of what comes after (although eternity does get my head spinning), but death itself.
What's it like to die?
What must that feel like?
And this is where the fear stems from.
Maybe I'm more terrified of pain.
All in all, I want to live a full life, because each day, each hour, even second, is not promised to me.
To any of us.
I want to love my family and friends and those around me and take in as much goodness and beauty as possible.
Will I make one million mistakes in this process? YES. That's called being a human. That's life.
I don't want you to live in fear.
(I know, after you've read all this. I'm sorry)
My intention is not to make you afraid. Absolutely not.
I hope that you get something good out of this.
Or at least feel less alone.
That's all for now,
See ya.
Today I heard about a road accident that happened Friday.
A family of 6.
One mom, one dad, and four sisters.
There were 5 fatalities.
Death always shakes you up.
I was at work, talking with a co-worker, and my boss brings up this accident.
One second you're not thinking about much... maybe what you're going to eat for lunch, or your friend, your favorite band coming back, whatever.
And the next you're struck somber by the realization that, You're Fragile and Life is Short.
That everything else in life appears as filler and distraction from the thought of the inevitable.
I feel like I should apologize for being so morbid.
But this is a place where I come to write (and invite you to read it), so I'm just going to write what I want and need to and that's that.
I'm very grateful for the "distractions" in life, quite honestly.
I think we'd all have constant existential dread and panic that would drive us absolutely crazy, if not.
It is necessary to think about every once in a while though, I suppose.
Death can make you more grateful for what's around you.
It can make you more aware, and remind you very starkly of what is actually important.
It can push you to live more boldly, realizing that you aren't promised a long life, or tomorrow.
But then... on the opposite end, it can infiltrate your thoughts and your entire life.
The fear that is attached to losing someone I love, has caused me to never leave the house without saying "I love you."
This doesn't sound like a bad thing though, right? But I don't want to feel as if I need to say it out of fear and "just in case."
The anxiety and intense worry that can come with forgetting is immense. Because... "What If?"
This isn't the way I want to live.
Balance is so vital and important to me.
To be able to appreciate and deeply love those around me while they are here, and to not be suffocated by the terror of death and loss.
Right along with all this, I'm also terribly fearful about death itself.
I have been for a long time.
It's not something I like to think about too deeply.
My beliefs include an afterlife in heaven with a loving God, so I shouldn't fear... right?
And yet.
I think it's a normal thing as a human, to be afraid of death.
And I'm not so much afraid of what comes after (although eternity does get my head spinning), but death itself.
What's it like to die?
What must that feel like?
And this is where the fear stems from.
Maybe I'm more terrified of pain.
All in all, I want to live a full life, because each day, each hour, even second, is not promised to me.
To any of us.
I want to love my family and friends and those around me and take in as much goodness and beauty as possible.
Will I make one million mistakes in this process? YES. That's called being a human. That's life.
I don't want you to live in fear.
(I know, after you've read all this. I'm sorry)
My intention is not to make you afraid. Absolutely not.
I hope that you get something good out of this.
Or at least feel less alone.
That's all for now,
See ya.
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