Unnamed

Why doesn't anyone really talk about how being single can make you a little bit bitter? And when I actually do put forth effort and God says "No" I'm like "Okay alright that's fine that's cool I'm grateful Oh she got engaged? At 21? Oh you have someone who's mutually into you? Oh he's texting you back? Oh cool cool cool cool must be nice can't relate but I'm happy for you." And on and on and on it GOES. My attempts at a love life are like Groundhog Day and always end the same. With nothing. I should not be surprised anymore. Sorry, do I sound bitter? Well, maybe I am. Just a little bit. I wrote a post almost two years ago (January 20th, 2018, to be exact) addressed to those of us that have never been in love. And now I am 23 years old. 23 as of September, 2019. I still have never been kissed. I have never had a boyfriend. I have never been romantically, truly, in love. And if I am being completely honest, Yes, that shit ...

This past weekend my friend and I took a three-hour road trip to Virginia to surprise my Twitter friend. We had never met before and he did not know I was coming. He was very surprised and it was a great trip! :) But the whole time leading up to this, my mind kept coming back to, "What if I'm a disappointment? What if I don't look like what they expected? What if what if what if?" These thoughts often surface when I am going to meet an internet friend in person for the first time. There is a unique dynamic to online friendships that more tactile IRL friendships tend to lack. While it's different, this doesn't make these friendships any less real, valuable, or genuine. But having these unique friendships means that you may not meet this person for a very long time, (or ever!) depending on your level of closeness, or the physical distance between you both. You might text, talk, snap, and face-time frequently, but it's no substitute for the real thing...