Unnamed

Repeat after me. My worth is not in my looks. My worth is not in my looks My worth is not in my looks. I'm staring myself down in the bathroom mirror, leaning over the sink as I repeat these words to myself. The way I look and my worth have become more intertwined than I realized. I want to disconnect the two. The number of pimples that you can count on your skin doesn't make you any less lovable. The amount of fat on your body doesn't make you any less worthy. The size of your nose, The hair on your body that society tells you does not belong, The frizziness of your hair, None of these things should define or shape your worth. And yet... It's as if you are not worth loving unless you're beautiful. But that's bs. You're lovable and worthy no matter how you look. When you have people telling you you're beautiful all the time, you start to put your worth in that. And when you aren't made up, when your "bad skin" is showing...

I love my parents. They drive me crazy sometimes, like any family member can, but I still love them. As I get older and grow and learn, I've realized that maybe my parents aren't always right. Shocking, I know. When you're a kid, you tend to be very gullible. You tend to be very trusting. You tend to believe what your parents or guardians tell you, and many times you end up sharing their opinions. Because this is how you were raised. This is what you always heard. This is what you've always known. And maybe when you voice your own opinions, you are quickly rebuffed and made to feel like you are wrong. Maybe they don't mean to, but that's how they make you feel. As I gain knowledge and wisdom and am exposed to many different ways of thinking through classmates, professors, friends, and the internet, my opinions and ideas shift and change. Some of the things I think or believe now may be a stark difference to what my parents think. But that's ...

I think I'm too stuck on the past. I think I'm too stuck on the future. There are nights that my entire heart aches, remembering what it was like to be a kid. Remembering the ease and simplicity and beauty of the days. Smiling at the memories I made with my family. Wishing that now a scraped knee was the most painful thing I would experience. Yearning for my sweet innocence and present-focused mind. I didn't think much about the future at all. My worst fear was that I wouldn't finish my homework in time to go outside and play. There are days where my heart races and my body is paralyzed at the thought of the future. Thinking of what lies ahead in the coming months, but more often, years and decades. Sometimes I am able to smile and feel at peace with the future I have dreampt about for myself. But I also know that life rarely works out the way you want. I fear all the coming troubles and challenges that I don't believe I could handle. I think I thin...